I’ve spent a couple of years relentlessly working on my books, and wrongly thinking that publication is the only thing that’d make me feel like I’ve achieved something in my life. As if all the other amazing things I’ve done and accomplished had ceased to matter.

How ridiculous of me.

Then, the world came under the grasp of a motherfucking virus that has changed our lives in ways we have only ever read in history books.

And as suddenly, I came to realize that publishing doesn’t matter, guys.

Let me elaborate.

The thing with art, when it comes to sharing and commercializing it, is that its success depends on the approval of others. And in that sense, it stops being a source of joy and expression and becomes a fountain of self-doubt, anxiety, and misery. Nobody can please everyone. I’ve never done something that requires the amount of inspection and approval writing does. And it’s so exhausting. I know I’m learning and improving, but man, it’s like being a child again—told what to do and how to walk at every step. All this is to say, what matters is the creation, the same way that what matters is our day-to-day.

Even if we become celebrated writers, what we experience is the present and those around us. Our families, our friends, the places we go, the music we listen to. Praise is sweet, yes, but it comes and goes (not even the famous writers one very list have perfect lives or write only successful books. Every win brings with it the added pressure of keeping it up. A good objective, but also so tiring. It makes us susceptible to becoming everyone’s clown.)

I’m not saying I don’t want it. I’m saying it’s become less important. I’m saying my life, and the people in it, matter more. That my mental health is more important. That my self-worth has been established years ago and does not depend on this. I’m saying publication isn’t the goal anymore. I’m saying there are so many other things I care about I won’t let this one rule my life. Not because I won’t keep working towards sharing my work with others, but because I’m so much more than that. I’ve already done so much more than that. I should never forget it. No book and no praise will bring me the joy my people do.

I’ll keep writing and improving, but for me, not for the visible and invisible judges.