I remember back in, I don’t know, late 2017? Early 2018? when I used to think beta readers would:

1. Slow down my writing process.
2. Destroy my heart and soul with negative criticism.
3. Steal my book ideas.

Up to that point, only my husband had read my WIP. He liked it, but I couldn’t trust his opinion: what was he going to say? “You suck at writing but don’t get mad let’s go to bed?” Nope. I opened my anonymous Twitter account around March 2018, and by May 2018 I spontaneously found my first, awesome writer beta reader/editor, someone I paid for helping me check my then completed MS for grammar mistakes and crazy-ass sentences nobody would ever understand. Later on, I found two new betas (non-paid). These three friends helped me realize that beta readers are the most valuable help a writer can have, because:

1. They are typos and inconsistencies RADARS, and that is FANTASTIC.
2. They detect the plot issues and other problematic bits we would never notice by ourselves —because we’ve spent ten thousand eons working on that book and are secretly done with it (even though we love it with every fiber of our beings).
3. Writers can do swaps with other writers, build incredible friendships, and learn from each other while mutually helping one another to the best of their abilities.

So, yeah, I preach at the beta’s church and firmly believe that a writer who refuses to have beta readers (except in case mental or physical health are involved in the decision) is probably hurting his/her/their work. I know it is terrifying to offer our work for others to comment on (trust me, I freak out a little the day I’m sending my work to betas). I know that for many people the fear and the fallout after receiving criticism (constructive, or not) might have devastating effects that make the whole ordeal not even worth it. For me, having beta readers is a pain I expose myself to. And I endure it by telling myself that it will probably make me a better writer.

BUT, there are caveats to working with betas, and so I thought I’d share my personal experience (not advice, just experience), in case anyone wants to read it (and for me to remember it):

1. SWAPS ONLY: I have two betas who aren’t writers, but I only do swaps with other writers. My time is limited, and I have to be a bit ‘selfish’ with it: if you read for me, I’ll read for you, and do my best to help you. If you want me to read for you, but you can’t bother to ask me a thing about my own work/don’t even think of offering to swap with me? It’s a no: I must spend my limited time wisely, and so I prioritize helping those generous enough to help/care about me as well.
2. BUDDIES FIRST: I prefer to beta work I’m emotionally invested on. I probably am tweeps with you, friends with you, whatever: I like to care. Why? Because then I feel more comfortable making comments and helping you brainstorm/discuss whatever you want so that we can build a trusting, honest beta-partnership.
3. SCHEDULED BETA-ING: this one I kinda broke this time around, and it’s killing me: I prefer setting a deadline for when each party will finish beta-ing (beta-reading with me is fun -I have references!- but it isn’t all games, folks). A month or two is the max I offer and expect in return. If you think I’m too strict, please know that my day job and personal life drain my time and soul. I only have an hour per day for anything writing-related, so I must be efficient –because otherwise, I get nothing done in such a limited amount of time.
4. PICK YOUR BATTLES: I don’t beta read for everyone who would ask/offer. Again: time constraints. Not having enough time to do something is a valid reason to refuse a request. I’m learning not to feel terrible, awful and guilty about it, because by protecting my time I’m defending my work, my personal life, and my mental health.
5. YOU CAN DROP OUT: are the book’s themes/scenes making you cringe/triggering you? Is the author a prick to you? Friend: tell them, and pack it up. Remember: time is always ticking.

That’s all, I think. Happy beta-ing!