I have heard myself utter the words hundreds of times. “That thing I achieved? It was nothing!” “Was it cool to go and do that all by myself? Not a biggie!” I know the reasons why I sometimes opt for making myself look small, sound more uncertain than I am, seem less proud of many things I have done.

I often play down myself and tend to overexpose my weaknesses as a way to connect. To make friends. To be likable (according to what I think people like, for whatever reason).

But people pray on other’s vulnerability (some even relish it). And in continuously discussing my doubts (real and imaginary) I reinforced them, and thus I doubted myself.

The truth is, I like me. I’m proud of who I am, and I’m not ashamed of being so because I have worked my ass off to be able to feel this way. I cry, criticize myself to the max and often argue with myself in my mind. But I also smile and laugh. I thank past-me for so many decisions, steps, dreams. I thank present-me for being aware enough to think first.

2019 will be the year I write more than I talk.

2019 will be the year I waste almost no time.

2019 will be the year I act and sound like the confident human I genuinely am, whether people like me or not.

2019 will be the year I live my life the way I want to, distancing myself from toxicity, and putting into practice one of the lessons I have learned so far: I can do with my time on Earth whatever I want, and if I trust my instincts and listen to what my heart truly desires, everything will work out.