I might start blogging A LOT, guys.

Suddenly, I feel like documenting my querying experience here instead of on Twitter—so that I can revisit these posts and see how unhinged, or not, I was at any particular point.

I’m just getting started, so prepare to unfollow because I know that, regardless of the outcome, I’ll talk nonstop.

Let’s get to the beef: it’s been 2,5 days and I’m already in turmoil.

I received my first rejection 24 hours after sending out the query to that agent. There is no version of the world in which that person read my query package, so I’m assuming he just isn’t into SciFi or YA, or both. Fine. But, regrettably, his format reply made me freak out and start worrying. Then, I tortured myself by watching the Instagram stories of everyone with a success story to tell and, just to make sure I felt gradually worse, I also spoke with a self-absorbed tweep around whom the world spins (in their head at least). Them monologuing about their stuff as if I didn’t exist, and as if my problems were of no importance, made me feel weirdly overlooked and isolated. Suddenly, I was anxious, afraid, angry, annoyed, and alone.

I almost lashed out at random people at work, my insides spinning, my head a hotpot of crazy thoughts.

But I’m not dumb, beloved reader. Hysterical? Yes. But never stupid.

Determined to sort out my head, I treated myself to a fancy lunch and took a walk under the drizzle, wondering: why am I feeling like this, what do I think will happen, and how can I control myself before I go and pick up fights with everyone and their cats?

The query survival kit, friends:

1. Realize you can’t listen to the music if you stand by the tracks. There is noise everywhere, man. Never in the history of humankind have there been so many voices shouting into the public void, for everyone to listen/read. And that’s a pressure I don’t need. Sending my work to agents should be a moment of hope, not of worry. This isn’t my only chance. If this doesn’t work, something else will. And there is still a high chance this will work because MY BOOK IS GOOD AND I AM SURE OF IT. I can’t forget that part.
2. Identify the triggers. Is it the people reaching the goals I haven’t yet? Let’s keep it real: that’s a valid feeling. It’s OK. It happens. We all just have to learn to appreciate other people’s success without immediately comparing ourselves (for better or worse). Is it Twitter? I’ve noticed I get stressed about my queries when I open Twitter. I’ve also noticed that two of my “good friends,” people I’m there for every time, can’t bother asking me, during our conversations, how am I doing (even though they know I’m querying). Off-putting, right? And that’s all I need to know. Or wait! Is it just the anxiety of the unknown? Welcome to the club. This one, however, I know how to solve. More on that later.
3. Decide what to do with the stressors. In my opinion? CUT. THEM. OFF. Mute like crazy. Unfollow like someone’s paying you to hit that button. Refuse to take part in any conversation that triggers you. Be away. Become unavailable. Log out of social media. Again, this is a moment of triumph (I have something to show for my efforts!), I won’t let anyone taint it.
4. Gather your (real) troops. Writer friendships are a weird beast. My arguments: a. Jealousy. b. Idea(s) theft. c. Do you need more? Guys, jealousy and distrust are enough to explain the point. You might have some genuine writer friends you can rely on. I know I do, but I also notice questionable attitudes left and right sometimes. I’ve been wondering if this is my fault somehow. But no: some people are insecure and attention/success-starved. None of them should have a place in my life. I’m making sure of that from today onwards. But what matters is to keep the real friends very close, to confide in them, and to count myself lucky for the people I can truly talk with.
5. Get over yourself. I will say something awful (again): Most people write for vanity. There it is. I guess we humans like flattery and to be told how great we are. Well, in this process, it is likely many people will tell us that what we did isn’t their jam. And it stings. But it’s OK. How many times have we disliked a book, a song, a movie, or show someone else poured their entire heart into? Many. Daily. It’s the same thing.
6. KEEP BUSY. This morning, while working on my contemporary WIP during my commute, I randomly erupted in laughter at a great cast interaction. And at that moment, I realized I’m not here for the money or the outcome: I write because I love stories, because I have plenty of those to tell, because I have fun writing and creating. No agent, editor, book deal, review, list, award, movie/TV adaptation, etc., will ever stop me or top the joy of writing. The writing is all that matters to me.

And that last point is the only thing to do and keep in mind, folks. Listen to the music; shut out the noise. Keep writing. Keep doing. Keep dreaming. 

Our work is our weapon. Our words are our shield.