I’ve been feeling off as of lately.
A bit afraid. Rather uncomfortable. Too anxious.
And I know why.
Here’s a list, because lists are my tenth favorite thing on Earth:
- I’m still editing my sci-fi book. It’s been almost a year (wow, how and why is this taking SO LONG?). I’m tired.
- But then I’m kinda finishing editing and, let’s be honest, that’s terrifying because
- I’ll be querying soon!
- I don’t like feeling vulnerable, and querying is an incredibly humbling experience. It’s exposing yourself and offering the work of your heart for criticism.
- I’m bitter things take me so long; I’m mad at myself for not having everything secured (IDK why I think I should have this in my pocket. Maybe the success stories on Twitter gave me unrealistic expectations and standards? I wanna nap.)
- Fuck Twitter, it’s making me insecure.
- I just started searching for a new job, and it’s quite terrifying (but the right thing to do at this point in my life).
- I wish I won the lottery. Why do I never win the lottery? Man, if I had EUR 10,000,000 my whole life would be easier cuz I wouldn’t have to work for a salary. In addition, I would self-publish and pay for a massive PR campaign to get my books out there. Money doesn’t buy happiness, but it does buy freedom so, yeah, buddy, money does buy happiness, who are we trying to fool here?
- It’s summer, but it also rains nonstop. The skies are permanently grey. It isn’t even warm. This weather sucks.
- I can’t focus at work, and it makes me feel guilty.
- No, there’s no 11, I think. We’re good from here.
That’s the post. I don’t really have much to say except I hope to finish editing soon. Mostly, I hope I can start writing again. Since I can only type in the edits of my sci-fi book into the master doc on PC or laptop, I’ve been working on my fantasy WIP during my commute for the last two days. However, editing so much and for so long has left me so drained I’m still not feeling it. BUT I DON’T WANT TO TAKE A BREAK. I’m already so slow at writing and editing, and have accomplished so NOTHING (writing-wise) YET, I don’t deserve the break. I’ll take a break when I win, not during the race.
*sighs*