I started working on my first book at the end of 2016, which means I spent nine months writing it and have been editing it for about six to seven more months. Vacations, breaks and other interruptions aside, that first manuscript has taken nearly two years to be finished.

I created a Twitter account in March 2018, to cry about a querying process I stopped short because I knew my book and my query letter weren’t ready.

I started writing a new book for NaNoWriMo on November 1st. It is shaping up beautifully considering I didn’t have a clue what I was going to type into the blank Word document that stared back at me, asking, “you again?”

If I look back on what I have done so far, it seems to me like I’ve spent most of my time struggling and complaining. Yelling into the void about “how hard it is to write!” “How soul-crushing it is to query!” “How difficult it is to edit!” All in all, lost in doubt.

Today, I read a blog post about someone who wrote and edited a book in five months and went on to land a literary agent in less than two more.

Right after I forgave myself for feeling useless in comparison, a realization came to my mind: I’ve created my own labyrinth. Instead of making this process straightforward, enjoyable, and simple, I’ve programmed myself to suffer and to brood in a way I had never done before.

That’s not how I have lived my life so far, or how I have achieved my dreams. What happened to my conviction, my strength, and my confidence?

I’ve come today to make a promise to myself: no more doubting, no more overthinking, no more complaining.

I will finish editing my first manuscript. I will query it. I will land an agent and a publishing deal in 2019. I will also complete and edit my NaNoWriMo project, and sell it in 2019 as well.

I hereby promise myself that I’ll soon become a successful, published author.